*WARNING: A more delicate reader may feel slightly nauseated by the end of this post.*
We all remember the
Seinfeld episode "The Bookstore." Jerry, George and Kramer are browsing in Brentano's when George announces, "I'm gonna hit the head." While Kramer and Jerry continue their conversation about rickshaws, the camera lights on George: he selects a large book of French Impressionist paintings from a shelf, and carries it with him into the men's room. In a subsequent scene, George emerges from the restroom and begins to place the book back on the shelf, but before he can do so, he is confronted by a Brentano's employee: "Did you take that book with you into the bathroom?" George blinks a few times before responding, "What do you want to hear?" He ends up having to purchase the book, which costs him $100...and that, we find out later in the show, Brentano's has permanently "flagged" so it can't be returned or donated. "How dare they?" George asks Jerry later at Monk's. "I got news for you. If it wasn't for the toilet, there would be no books."
I find this storyline hilarious and intriguing at the same time. Why
are people so polarized when it comes to books in the bathroom? Being a bathroom-reader myself (I decided I am finally over the stigma -- and oh yes, there is a stigma), of course I don't see the problem. So in this respect, I am like George. At the same time, I know there are people out there who do have a problem with books in the bathroom. Refer back to "The Bookstore." In the middle of the episode, we see George trying to sell his flagged book of paintings to Elaine (at a $25 profit). Jerry walks in, sees the book, and exclaims, "What is
that doing on the table?...I'm not eating anything in the vicinity of that book...That book has been on a wild ride. George took it into the bathroom..." Upon hearing this, Elaine loses it. "All right! Everyone clear!" she shouts as she stands up to exit, raising her arms. "Biohazard, coming through! Clear, clear!" This display brings George to ask Jerry, "May I ask, what do you read in the bathroom?" Jerry answers, "I don't read in the bathroom." George retorts, "Well, aren't you something."
So it's clear that people's opinions differ drastically on the subject. And while the
Seinfeld episode is an excellent reflection of the feelings we see surrounding this issue, I decided to to see if I couldn't figure out first-hand what really drives the emotions behind the situation. Of course, I am not so over the stigma that I surveyed complete strangers, so these results are probably overwhelmingly biased. However, they are all anonymous, and so that should be good enough, right? I'm about as good at social science as I am at
math. And speaking of math, this sentence is going to serve as my disclaimer on percentages.
Bear with me. Here come the results.
- There are more people who read in the bathroom than don't.
- Those who read in the bathroom do so: to pass the time; to continue reading something interesting; because it goes well with a bubble bath; because it is one of the few places/times where they can feel peaceful and secluded; because it is easier to concentrate on reading; because they do it out of habit; and to distract themselves from what they're really doing in the bathroom.
- Those who do not read in the bathroom do so: because it is not comfortable; because they have pets who follow them in that are better at entertaining them; because they are not in the bathroom long enough to read; and because the reading material they find in the bathroom usually does not interest them.
- Those who read books in the bathroom also like to read other materials in the bathroom, ranging from magazines and comics to toothpaste tubes and lotions.
- 50% of those polled who do not read books in the bathroom will read other materials if they are available in their own bathrooms -- every person included in that 50% mentioned bath & body products as "preferred" reading materials.
- 100% of those polled who read books in the bathroom like to read in general.
- 90% of those polled who do not read books in the bathroom like to read in general.
- Of those that read books in the bathroom, most are more comfortable reading indoors (on a couch or a bed, and in a bus station, car, or airport were the most popular answers).
- Of those that do not read books in the bathroom, most are more comfortable reading outdoors (on a blanket, at the beach or pool, in the sun, on a balcony, at a park). The second most popular reading location for those who do not read books in the bathroom was in bed.
- I found that the size of a person's bathroom is not a factor in their tendency to read books in the bathroom. Most everyone surveyed described their bathroom as "tiny," "small," or "not big."
- I found that approximate daily bathroom time (used for activities like showering, readying for work, etc.) is less for those who do read books in the bathroom -- between 15-30 minutes.
- I found that approximate daily bathroom time (used for activities like showering, readying for work, etc.) is more for those who do not read books in the bathroom -- between 30 minutes - 2 hours.
- I found that most of the people who do read books in the bathroom are either indifferent or do not care for the way their bathroom is decorated.
- I found that most of the people who do not read books in the bathroom are either indifferent or are happy with the way their bathroom is decorated.
- Of the people who do read books in the bathroom, 70% consider their bathroom a sanctuary. 30% consider it a place to get things done.
- Of the people who do not read books in the bathroom, 10% consider their bathroom a sanctuary. 90% consider it a place to get things done.
- Of the people who do read books in the bathroom, 70% currently do not take baths. 90% would read in the bath if (or when) they bathed.
- Of the people who do not read books in the bathroom, 80% do not take baths. 0% read in the bath. [COMMENTARY: there were a few respondents who said they listened to their iPod in the bath because they were afraid of getting a book's pages wet. But aren't iPods harder to replace if they get wet? Books dry out. Electronics just get ruined.]
- Of the people who read books in the bathroom, 90% prefer to meander through life when it's possible (excluding work). 10% prefer to keep schedules.
- Of the people who do not read books in the bathroom, 80% prefer to work with schedules, even for the occasional weekend plans. However, for free time (or "me-time"), 40% prefer to meander.
- I found that favorite colors/colors people are more attracted to do not have any bearing on the tendency to read in the bathroom. Most everyone surveyed listed blue, green, red, and purple as their favorite colors.
- I found that lighting in the bathroom has no bearing on whether or not people read in the bathroom. Even those with poor lighting read in the bathroom. 90% of people who do not read in the bathroom have good lighting.
- 80% of those who do read books in the bathroom would not choose to watch movies or watch TV in the bathroom over reading.
- 40% of those who do not read books in the bathroom would choose to watch movies or TV in the bathroom over reading. 33% prefer movies/TV over books, 33% do not prefer movies/TV over books, and 33% are on the fence. I still don't exactly understand what happened to the remaining 1%, even after the B/F explained it to me.
- Of those who read books in the bathroom, 100% will read while they eat.
- Of those who do not read books in the bathroom, 50% will read while they eat.
- Of those who read books in the bathroom, 100% are likely to read materials in other people's bathrooms.
- Of those who do not read books in the bathroom, 10% are likely to read materials in other people's bathrooms.
- The people who do not read books in the bathroom say about those who read in the bathroom: don't take too long if I need to use the space; it's acceptable to read in the bathroom; don't leave books in the bathroom; reading on the toilet is gross; reading in the bath is acceptable.
- The people who read books in the bathroom say about themselves: it doesn't come up in conversation; close family know I do it; I hide my bathroom reading from non-family members; I do not hide my bathroom reading from non-family members.
- Everyone surveyed has a friend or friends that read books in the bathroom.
- 50% of people who do not read books in the bathroom buy their own books rather than borrow from the library.
- 50% of people who do read books in the bathroom prefer to buy their own books rather than borrow from the library.
- 50% of people who do read books in the bathroom read their library books in the bathroom.
- 50% of people who do read books in the bathroom have been late for things because they were reading in the bathroom.
- 0% of people who do not read books in the bathroom have been late for things because they were reading. 50% of people who do not read books in the bathroom have been late for things because of other bathroom activities (fixing hair was the number one reason mentioned).
- 0% of those who do not read books in the bathroom think they will ever start reading books in the bathroom.
- 100% of those who do read books in the bathroom believe they started reading in the bathroom at an early age (7-8 years old; as long as I can remember; 10 years old).
Lots of results. Lots of miscalculated percentages, but they are probably close enough. So if you can take it, here is what I learned:
I thought it was interesting that favorite colors weren't more reflective of personal decision/action regarding this issue. That was my most psychological question. I was more pleased with the results of the timetables question. It seems that those who do not read in the bathroom were quicker to say that though they like to meander during their free time, they do prefer some planning, even when out with friends. I was thinking the results would actually work out that way.
The most surprising result by far was that people who like to read in the bathroom seem to prefer to read indoors in general; and that those who do not read in the bathroom prefer to read outdoors. That was a stark contrast I was not expecting.
Another surprising result for me was the amount of time people spend in the bathroom for other reasons. It seems like those who read in the bathroom get their "bathroom time" in that way. Those who do not read in the bathroom utilize their "bathroom time" in other ways (such as getting ready for work). I am making an educated guess that both exercises are relaxing, but in different ways. For those who read in the bathroom, the reading is what relaxes them. For those who don't, they spend more time fixing their hair, doing makeup, showering...things that are necessary to their daily routine (schedules), but things that are also relaxing in their own way. Brushing teeth and hair can feel nice. Showering can definitely be relaxing. Putting on makeup can become an escape because of the concentration you have to put into it. Verrrry interesting, folks.
And I bet you'll all think twice now before borrowing a library book. Although I will say 50% is less than I expected for that category.
So what do you think? Are you a Jerry or a George? Were there any results that surprised you? Where will all this new-found knowledge take you next?
I don't know about you, but I'm headed to the bathroom.
